and back again

Well... I'm home.

It's rather odd - I feel more overwhelmed now than I did during the last weeks of school. There were so many things that I told myself I would do "after graduation." It is now "after graduation" and the list looms large and immediate.

I keep thinking about Frodo and Sam in the LotR. In the books, they returned home to find the shire under siege and they had one last heroic task to complete (together with Merry and Pippin) - to rid the shire of the scourge that "Sharky" had brought. Once they had completed that task, all that was really left for Frodo was to write his memoirs. The shire was saved and returned to what it had been but he was unable to return to what he had been - he was too much changed. Bilbo too was so changed by his own journey and his possession of the ring that he was also unable to return to what he had been. In their story, the time came for them to leave the shire and go on one last journey to the Grey Havens.

I'm not implying that it is time for me to leave and "go on one last journey" (not some long time yet) - but I do feel that I have changed while much of my surroundings have not. I wonder what that will lead too - it seems that it should lead to something or other.

For now - I'm just trying to get my house in order, literally. There is so very much to do - organize the kitchen (since I just sort of threw things in cupboards and drawers when I moved in last year), clean up all the wood in the back yard and begin to plan my garden, paint a mural, paint the kitchen door and do the stained glass work, re-do the kitchen floor, set up the guest room, and on and on. Oh - and get a dog... a border collie of course... hopefully one that likes to dance (seriously... canine freestyle heel-work to music... Google it).

I do think I'm going to close this blog and return to my Live Journal site. Blogger.com has been fun, but even after a year LJ still feels more like home... there is a real community there and I'm am somehow part of it even if I've been mostly absent for some time.

For those who do read this blog - you might want to visit my LJ site. If you are interested in LJ - send me an e-mail and I'll send you the link.

**PLEASE NOTE** I've removed the LJ link from this post AND I've turned off the comment ability for anyone who is not a member of this specific Blog. Unfortunately, there are SPAMMERS trolling Blogger.com and leaving SPAM advertisements as comments in other people's blogs. I find this practice truly distasteful. Rather than take the time to police the comments in this Blog - I've moved all current journal (and future journal) entries back to my LJ account (LJ has much better security regarding spammers and their ilk).

I've left this Blog up for review and reflection purposes - but there will be no new posts and no new comments.

**And - can I just say once again how funny it is that the spell checker built into blogger doesn't recognize the word blog until you tell it to.

A little diversion

Ok... I've concentrated my efforts on my ARP Blog since April - but this is a fun little diversion I spent some time with tonight and thought I would share for any interested...

80's Lyrics Quiz: People are What?

And my results:

Your generation stuck mine with a motherload of cultural horrors (bradys! disco! plaid! roller skating!). -30% for being a yuppie.
5 point bonus for telling me where you saw this. Thanks!

Final Score: 95.3

yeah... I'm not ashamed to admit it.. .I was singing along while filling these out... and now I really want to go to Zia Records and find them all on [used] CDs. :)

You should try it too!

Break-ins and Beethoven

It's been quite a week... full of highs and lows and the inevitable, ubiquitous inbetweens.

I'm an aunt again... my newest nephew is a week old yesterday.... That made for an exciting weekend (last weekend). He was born at home and despite some family concerns - the birth went perfectly - or so I'm told... I was not there to witness the actually birth but I did get to see him a few hours later.

Two days later (while I was at work... since I walk to work) my car was broken into. I have nothing of value in the car (other than the car itself). Because I have nothing of value, the thieves didn't steal much... but they (or he... or she... or it) managed to do some significant damage to the passenger door (in order to gain access to the interior of the car) and then completed demolished the glove compartment. In the process of demolishing the glove compartment either by accident or design, they did take the glove box latch. I'm still not sure why it was necessary to rip the entire glove compartment door apart and then rip half way through the bottom of the glove compartment. In some ways it is ironic... if they were really only after the latch... then they did several hundred dollars of damage in order to walk away with a $17 part... a $17 part that with the proper tools is very easy (and quick) to remove w/o doing any damage (I know this because I had to replace that very same latch a few years ago and I did it myself while I was out of town).

Ah well... insurance will cover the repairs and in the end I'll have a new door panel and a new glove compartment (both of which will probably rattle less than the originals which were getting very old)... but it still sucks that there are people in the world that will enter someone else's property just to do damage and take stuff that isn't theirs. It makes me sad more than anything else. ... well... first it makes me angry, really angry... then, after some time to think about it .... it makes me sad. In the end though... there is really little I can do... other than but a huge barbed wire fence around my property and booby-trap it... and I don't want to do that. I still love my house and my neighborhood... in some ways this inspires me to pay even more attention to the "goings on" around the neighborhood... I found myself walking around the neighborhood several times this week... just establishing that I belong here and getting to know my surroundings even better. I've met several of the neighbors and I just have to let this inspire me to meet more of them.... that's the only way to combat things like this... build and nurture a community.

Anyone who has read thus far is probably wondering where the Beethoven is... other than in the title...

A couple of nights ago I went to the Symphony with my mom. My parents have season tickets (we have a truly phenomenal local Symphony Orchestra - worthy of a true mecca). My father dislikes choral music to the point of truly despising it.... I've never understood why - as I find few things more transcendent than listening to a multitude of voices raised in harmony. I feel it deep in my soul almost as much as I feel percussion. This week the Symphony presented Beethoven's 9th (including the final movement - "An die Freude" "Ode to Joy"). Of course - the final movement is choral – so I was invited to take my father’s seat. Of course, I accepted the invitation. I’ve never heard the 9^th performed live, so this was to be a real treat. We arrived early because in addition to having a remarkable symphony, we have the privilege to have a truly gifted conductor who gives short “talks” as a prelude to the evenings show. This evening, of course, was about Beethoven. He did not speak only of the 9^th though, he spoke of Beethoven in general. Having studied classical piano for over 10 years and having taking several music history classes in both high school and college, I know something of this history but it was still brilliant to listen to. Our conductor said one thing which has stayed with me through the entire weekend. He talked about Beethoven’s introduction of the harmonic 9^th into his composition (B flat)… he spoke of how radical, how revolutionary, that was. In the 1800’s, harmonics were not common place. How shocking, how ear (and mind) expanding it must have been to hear a harmonic for the first time. People were flattened by it (no pun intended) – they were blown over (or blown away). It was a shock… and now only a couple of hundred years later it is so common place that we don’t even consider that there was a time when it wasn’t part of our musical vocabulary. All weekend this has been in my head and I keep mulling it over and wondering what the new shock will be. Is there anything today that can shake us the way Beethoven shook the people of his time with this simple note? And – will that shock be a revelation? Will it inspire further evolution? Or will we try to censor it, suppress it, and crush it out of some kind of false sense of protection?

Ok… that’s enough wandering thoughts for tonight…

Thought for the day.

Morning Edition on NPR this morning included a brief interview with Donald E. Knuth (super famous in geekdom... author of the many volumes of The Art of Computer Programming... Professor at Stanford University... all around brilliant human being).

During the interview, he was asked if he believed in God. His response was yes. More interesting to me though was what followed that response. He said that he hoped that the existence of God was never proved because if there was proof, then he would simply memorize the proof and stop thinking about it. The implication was (to me) that the whole point of "God" (I'm not talking "religion" now... just "God") is to continue to think, ponder, and reflect. So - along those same lines (for those of us who may not spend a great deal of time pondering the existence of an omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient, creator being) the answer to "what is the meaning of life" or "why does the universe exist" or "what is my place in the universe" or any of those other transcendent questions are not meant to be found. These questions are not asked so that we may find the one true solution to the riddle... these questions (like Zen Koans) are asked so that we may continue to think, ponder, and reflect.

Enduring understanding

Had a long IM chat w/ a fellow cadre member today - about the culmination project for EDC665.

I think trying to help him see where the enduring understanding might be in his project helped me come closer to defining it for mine. I'm not entirely sure it helped him though... it seemed several times that we were each talking about very different things... talking around each other but not really with each other...

One thing is for sure though - we are both in our own way over thinking things... and I recognized in his plan some of the same potential misdirection that was in mine. Ironic really - we talked of why the concept he wants to teach is perceived as something that is so often not well understood. One of the reasons for that is that there are some very common misconceptions associated with the topic. Yet... both of us in our own way demonstrated some serious misconceptions in the way we were approaching this project itself. I'm still not sure I really helped him see that... but it certainly became clearer for me and for that I'm quite thankful.

What I came to really understand as we talked is that this curriculum that I create must provide the learner with the guidance, resources, and support by which they will construct their own understanding of the concept (or concepts) I have in mind. I am not giving them the enduring concept itself... I'm helping them develop that concept by doing the various activities that I make part of my curriculum. The final activity will be the thing that demonstrates how they have constructed that concept for themselves. So, my curriculum (and syllabus) doesn't have to be presented with any super fancy technology and/or media solutions... I don't need to create from scratch all the content (including text, flash demos, and whatever else I might want).... in fact... I shouldn't do that... why re-invent the wheel... why give the learner everything they need presented on a nice clean silver platter? That isn't the point and that isn't the best way to help them construct their knowledge anyway.

Another beautiful realization - this project is our "artifact" that will demonstrate for Dr. K that we have constructed for ourselves the enduring understandings for this course. Nice synchronicity - a true thing of beauty.

Which brings me to my own enduring understanding... the one that I want to somehow help my students construct. I has to do with beauty... but more than that... it has to do with the creation of something that is greater than the sum of its parts. I've spent my walks to and from work over the last few days trying to articulate for myself what the enduring understanding is that I want my learners to construct by learning about and how to make origami. I kept going round and round with myself... I want them to create a box... but I also want them to put some thought and creativity into the design of the box... the pieces have to be constructed in a specific way but they can be fit together in a variety of ways AND they can be made out of an even wider variety of paper designs and colors. I also want them to have at least some exposure to where Origami comes from and why so many people enjoy practicing it. The more I thought about it... the more complicated I made it... the more things I added because I somehow thought just making a box isn't enough... there must be more to it than that.

After my conversation w/ my cadre-mate this afternoon - I again reflected on my project as I walked home (walking to/from work really is such a wonderful opportunity for reflection). This time - before I could get all caught up in the complexity of it - I asked myself a simple but very important question. Why do I love practicing origami so much? Then - I realized that although that question was close... it wasn't complete... the complete question was: Why do I love origami and why do I currently enjoy making boxes so much? I tried to empty my thoughts (beginner mind again) and open myself up to the most basic answer to this question. My initial thought was - the boxes are beautiful to me and I enjoy creating things that are beautiful. Ok... nice... but beauty is relative and I don't think my personal definition of beauty is the enduring understanding that I want to teach here... after all... each person must find their own personal sense of beauty... Ok... I think I'm getting warmer.... Then I started thinking about what goes into the construction of a box... 16 pieces of paper (if it is an octagon... 8 if it is a square) - the same exact set of folds for all 8 (or 4) pieces that make up the top, another set of identical folds for the pieces that make up the bottom of the box. Each fold in itself is rather un-remarkable... none of the folds that make up the parts of either the square or octagon box are all that complicated. Each part is not all that remarkable either... they don't look like much of anything yet. BUT... when you link the parts together to make the top and the bottom of the box... suddenly you have something that is beautiful, intricate, and appears to be quite complex. ...much warmer now... This took me back to origami in general... you start with this simple and even rather ordinary square of paper... you make a few precise yet not all that remarkable folds... you make a few more... you unfold and re-fold and manipulate... and then you have something quite remarkable (a crane, a frog, a shirt, a flower, etc). Each thing taken by itself is not much... each set out next the other is still not all that much... but put them all together and you have something much more interesting than you might have guessed. This is a true example, a tangible example of the whole being greater than the sum of its parts. ...boy... I can feel the heat now... The box is an especially elegant example of this because even after you've made all the necessary folds to each set of paper squares... you still have 4 or 8 separate constructions that don't look like all that much... but as you fit each one into the next something pretty amazing happens... and when you lock the last piece in... there is a sort of metamorphosis and all these separate, unremarkable pieces become something so much greater than you would expect from the pieces.

So - enduring understanding... unremarkable bits can create great things. Ok that isn't a very elegant way of putting it... but someone else already coined the phrase "the whole is greater than the sum of its parts." That seems so simple that part of me thinks it must not be right... and then I have to laugh at myself for once again trying to over-think and over-complicate things.

The ABC's are still there... to truly construct the understanding - the learner has to do more than just make a box... there are other "parts" that must be incorporated... an understanding that there is a rich history behind the art of paperfolding, the consideration of color theory and design (for the patterns and colors of paper to combine), the meditative state that can be experienced while making all the parts (focusing on the exact and precise folding), the creativity that can be expressed even while following an exact pattern of folds and manipulations.

So - is that it... or am I being too esoteric about my enduring understanding? I don't think so... this just feels to right... but I will sleep on it before I post my responses to Dr. K's questions on Bb.

Mid-Term Reflection or "Still Awaiting My Wings."

The task - reflect on how well I'm attaining the goals for the class (EDC665)...

Not such an easy task... because it is difficult to distinguish what I am learning from one single class... everything in OMET is connected...

So much of these last seven months has been about creating and refining my own essential questions regarding learning and teaching objectives. A most profound self-discovery came last term when I began to not only recognize but also be able to articulate the difference between the goals of "education" and the goals of "training." This term I've have refined that distinction even further - especially when looking at task-based training vs. more open ended training and "soft-skills" training. I now find myself evaluating each project I work on first for where it is on that spectrum... is the essential outcome simply the correct performance of a task or is it something larger, broader, deeper, and/or more complex. This has led me to make a very small, somewhat subtle, yet extremely important change in the initial questions I ask when I'm tasked with creating a new learning event.

In the past, before OMET, I would ask (ask myself and also ask the other "stakeholders.") "What are the objectives? What concepts should we cover in this course?" Now... instead... my initial question is "What do you want the learner to walk away being able to do? What do you want the learner to walk away being able to explain to someone else?" This change in my thinking snuck up on me. It started with how I changed my approach to designing assessments for the courses I write... I have always linked assessment items to the objectives... but I finally started taking a closer look at what defined the objectives and then began working backwards from the assessment items rather than forwards from the objectives (thank you Mr. Wiggins and Mr. McTighe). Once I internalized that approach - I began finding that I HAD to ask those questions at the beginning of the design phase or even during the envisioning phase if I'm part of a project at that point. We have a four phase process for our instructional design/development cycle... Envision, Design, Develop, Stabilize. The one phase that I think we are missing is the phase that comes after Stabilization - the one where you re-evaluate the learning event to determine what is and isn't working and then adjust accordingly... we also don't have a well realized sunset phase which is another issue... but these are things to reflect on later.

The use of technology itself is not as much of a challenge for me in my current professional environment - as we are almost exclusively training our learners how to use technology and we use technology to produce the training. We have a certain set of tools available to us (various authoring tools, simulation creation tools, image editing tools, illustration tools, etc) and we have a fairly clear and consistent set of guidelines as to which tools to use for what. The challenge for me now has become - "how do I evolve past that set of basic guidelines?". How to I evolve in my approach to both design (the writing/storyboarding) and development (the programming... the using of the tools)? I am no longer satisfied with just taking a basic approach to simulations and lesson design. I want to try new things in my courses - find new ways of engaging the learner... find a way to create multiple pathways for the learner to follow. For me - this is the challenge of using the technology... because - I now know enough to quickly produce certain types of learning events... but if I'm going to personally learn more, then I have to find a way to challenge myself to take my use of the technology to ever higher levels.

There is another facet to this challenge - like so many other corporations (and probably schools too) we are being called on to produce more and more, faster and faster. "Rapid Learning Development" ("Rapid eLearning Development," "Rapid Development Tools," etc). My work in OMET, my reflections on how I learn, my new and evolving understanding of curriculum (the ABC (Affective, behavioral, and cognitive), Enduring Concepts, Big Ideas, etc) has caused me to question the validity of "Rapid Learning Development." Maybe "Rapid Task-based Training Development" would be ok with me... but I am extremely uncomfortable with the very idea of "Rapid Learning Development" and with the idea that if we just find the right technology (the right rapid development tool) we will be able to create more faster (notice that I don't say "better"). I'm told by some that this is just a case of semantics (training vs learning) - but the more I learn, the more I reflect on learning, the more I am convinced that this is absolutely NOT just semantics. This is a very important distinction. This is one of my personal enduring concepts. This is also part of why I have begun to question whether or not I am in the right place (professionally). I am so much more passionate about learning than I am about training... but I think I had to immerse myself in both worlds to understand the difference.

For now - I continue to develop training... but I also find that I continuously look for opportunities to be a part of a learning environment. I try to encourage and facilitate learning in my workplace (not just training), I try to encourage and facilitate it outside of my workplace, and I try to encourage and facilitate it within myself.

This course - especially the readings and the discussions in both blackboard and TI has been a further catalyst (as the whole OMET program has) for my evolution of thought. Currently - I feel a bit like a caterpillar who is not quite at the point of leaving the cocoon - I've changed so much but I expect that there are still some very remarkable changes to come.

Reflections on learning and leading.

I've come to realize this term that I much prefer instructors who involve themselves in the learning community - not simply as the providers of "information" but also as learners themselves. I appreciate the example that sets and I value the fact that they are actively involved in learning and are willing to share that experience with the community. It seems obvious that I would prefer this type of approach to the "sage on the stage" approach where an instructor dispenses knowledge for the students to receive and learn. What is suppressing though (or ... rather... Enlightening) is that I also prefer this involved approach to the more "removed" "guide on the side" approach. I honestly believe in the constructivist model and I know that I find the greatest value in learning from within a constructivist environment... but I find that I don't care for a constructivist environment where the "instructor" is too far removed, disassociated, or set apart from the learning community.

When the instructor sets up the initial context for learning and questioning and then just "stands back" and lets things take shape... and doesn't (or seems to not) involve himself/herself in the construction of knowledge that takes place, I get frustrated and even somewhat discouraged. When this happens - I begin to feel that the instructor is following a very rigid curriculum that is not living and evolving - so the curriculum is not flexible and does not move with the community's construction of their own knowledge. Then - even if the assignments are important and do relate the enduring concepts the instructor intends - they seem not to relate to what is actually happening in the community.

This term has provided me with some excellent examples of both types of instructional strategy and has provided me with several opportunities to better understand how these different methods affect my own attitude toward what I am learning. I find that when I perceive that the instructor is purposefully removing themselves from the community (or setting themselves apart), I'm less likely to be 100% involved because I'm often questioning (in my own mind) the instructors reasoning for not being involved. At first, I tend to want to move the discussion along, post something thought provoking to engender more discussion... but eventually I loose interest and simply answer whatever questions the instructor initial posts and consider it done. I've notices the same inclination in the cadre as a whole. Threads that have the potential to inspire multi-dimensional discussions become rather flat and uninteresting... become just a series of answers to the original question or questions.

When I look back at last term - I realize that we had a variation of both types of instruction at that time as well... BUT the difference is that the instructor who became somewhat removed from the community by the end of the term was highly involved at the beginning of the term and so the precedent for active and multi-faceted discussion was well established and did not dissipate when the instructor's direct and regular involvement waned. We missed that instructor's direct input (and even discussed that amongst ourselves) but our penchant for deep discussion was firmly in place and that did not change.

Now - I'm left wondering how best to apply this to my own practice. Currently, I design on-line, task-based instruction... or design templates do not provide the opportunity for any kind of instructor involvement beyond the initial design and development... I'm not sure there is a place for it either. But - I can try to be more aware of how I involve myself in my professional community of practice (my team of colleagues here at work). It is, I'm sure, important to be an actively learner within that community and to involve the rest of the community in that learning. I think too, this lesson can be applied to leadership styles... leaders that remove themselves too much from those they are leading may not be as successful (at least not for me) as leaders that involve themselves directly in the community. I'm actually noticing this trend at work right now... more and more our direct manager is removing himself from our community of practice... and more an more I hear my colleague's frustration with this. Quite often I hear the sentiment that "he has no idea what it is that we do and absolutely no idea how we go about doing it." Ironically - this situation has caused us to tighten our internal team bonds... which has helped us work together but has also separated us further from him (our manager). I'm not sure this is a positive thing... but I'm also not yet sure how to remedy it.

Perspective

Perspective... we all need a dose of it now and then... more than we think.

I went to my friend's 50th birthday party tonight. Nice to get out of the house for a while. Nice to dress up in something other than "work clothes," "performance costumes," "workout clothes," or "hanging out at home doing homework clothes." I almost forgot what it was like to put on nice fancy clothes, some non-stage make-up, some real (rather than costume) jewelry, and spend time with adults who aren't talking about work or school.

I saw my other friend and her husband there. I haven't seen them for a bit over a year (since she sold her share of the restaurant where I perform... since the holidays right after that when we all walked Winterhaven to look at the lovely lights). She just became a citizen of the US not too long ago. We talked of her and her husbands business, children, and the family that is still in Baghdad. I asked how they were, almost fearing the answer. They are "surviving," as she said.
We hear all these stories, watch and read all this news, and think that we have access to all the information and that we know what is happening. We don't. To hear it from the perspective of someone who lives there, was born there and lives there, is not a soldier from another country, is not a member of the press, is not a member (or wannabe member) of the new government, is not a member of some insurrectionist group, is not a foreigner trying to help, but is just a "normal" person who is trying to live in their home town -- that is when you hear what maybe the most real story.

They are surviving. They have phones most of the time and so they can keep in touch with their family (my friends). They have electricity about 1 hour every 24 to 48 hours (and this is right in the city of Baghdad... this is not out in the country or in one of the more "dangerous" areas)... sometimes they have electricity for 2 hrs. Some nights, they don't sleep at all because of all the shooting and explosions. They go out only when they absolutely have to (fortunately my friend and her husband are able to send their family some food and supplies and most of it gets to them so far). The don't stay in only because of the shooting and explosions... they don't stay in because they are afraid of the soldiers either. They stay in because those who live there but have family living elsewhere are now in constant danger of being kidnapped and held for ransom. A friend of my friend recently had to come up with over $100,000.00 to pay for his brother's ransom so that his brother would not be killed. Another friend of my friend didn't have enough $$, couldn't get enough $$, and so his cousin was killed by the kidnappers because the ransom didn't' come. It is very dangerous there now, for everyone who is left. No one is safe.

The irony is that while everyone knew Saddam was bad, while he was in power those who lived there knew whether or not they were safe (my friends of course were not... that is why they are here in the US... they came her long before 9/11 to escape the danger that was there for them). But - you knew if you were in danger or not... and you knew in general what kind of danger you were in.... and some who were in danger could escape (like my friends... and like my other friend who is from Kuwait... who came here to care for his sister's children because she died from the chemicals that Saddam attacked the Kuwaities with). So yes... Saddam was a very bad man and many people were in grave danger, many people were persecuted, tortured, and killed when he was in power. Yes... it is a good thing that he is no longer in power. BUT - what we don't hear, what we are not told, what we may not understand, is that now that he is gone... EVERYONE there is in danger... and no one knows for sure where the danger will come from and when it will strike, so everyone is scared all the time. The media that we are privy too makes it seem like it is about whether one is Sunnis or Shia... but really, it is as much about whether or not there is a perception that someone in your family has money for which you might be ransomed.

We are so blessed and so sheltered here in so many ways... right down to the news that is provided for us. You have to work to find the other perspectives... we may be free... our press maybe free... we may, theoretically, have access to whatever information we want... but that information from all perspectives is not provided to us in an obvious way... even if we make an effort to listen to something other than the Morning and/or Evening news... even if we watch the Daily Show... even if we listen to NPR and read the New York Times... we need to dig deeper... with the freedom that we have comes a responsibility to find out what is really going one. With this freedom comes a responsibility to ASK QUESTIONS. It isn't as simple as "believe" or "don't believe" what you are told, what you read, what you see on teevee. You have to seek the knowledge out... and when you find it you have to ask more questions. The more opportunity you have, the more responsibility you have to take advantage of that opportunity. I think we forget that... I know I forget it sometimes.

I have no profound observations other than that... I just wanted to write it down so that I would not forget.

Digging in the dirt.

I planted flowers today.

Wild flowers for the humming birds, butterflies, and bees in the back yard... Sunflowers in front of the house (S/E corner and S. side).

The soil was soft from days of winter/spring rain, the sun was warm, and the day just asked to be used for planting. There is something rejuvenating and relaxing about digging in the dirt. It is one of the few tasks that truly clears my head from rambling thoughts of all that is right and wrong in the world. As I plant, I imagine myself as this little old yet somehow ageless woman squatting near the ground, preparing the soil, planting the seed, gently covering it back up and soaking it with delicious water. In my head, I plan the vegetable and herb garden that I will plant next year. I wanted to plant one this year but realized that between school and work, I would not have the time necessary to seed, nurture, and harvest - so that garden waits for me still.

Next comes the anticipation... days or weeks of waiting for the seedlings to show their first fragile shoots and leaves above the soil line... And just when you think some clever bird must have found all you precious seeds, a small bit of green peeks out of the ground and turns itself toward the sun.

I hope that the sunflowers thrive where I placed them. I imagine what the corner of my little house will look like dappled with their lovely yellow faces turning to watch the sun. It is odd - my favorite colors used to purple, burgundy, and green - they still are among my favorites, but each year Yellow and Orange move closer to the top of the list.

Means without End

Yoga is my sanctum (one of many in fact). Bikram yoga is my current yoga of choice - I like the heat, I like the flow and the meditative nature of doing the same set of poses over and over again, and (most important) I love the community and instructors at the Bikram studio I belong to. Ironic since I don't currently hold a great deal of respect for Bikram the man - his actions in the last year or two seem in direct opposition to the nature of yoga.

I've been practicing yoga of one form or another for years now, so sometimes I take it's depth a bit for granted. The physical lessons are obvious and tangible, but I forget the connection between that and the life lessons it also teaches.

Tonight was my first night back after several weeks. I was sick before FETC and so took some time off from the studio (as much to not bring my sickness to others as to let my body recover). Then, I was out of town and completely caught up in all that was OMET at FETC. I returned home only to succumb to yet another nasty virus (flu this time). So - nearly four weeks without a visit to the studio (I kept up my hatha practice at home when I was feeling up to it). It seems that whenever I take time away from something (yoga is only one example) - it return to it with the eyes of a beginner and learn many lessons anew.

Tonight I remembered and learned (again) one of my favorite lessons from yoga. It isn't the End that justifies the Means, it is the Means that justify the End... and more importantly ... the Means can stand on their own, they don't need an End to justify or be justified by.

To put it another way - yoga is one of the best ways I know to truly understand that the important thing isn't "getting there." The important thing is what you do to get there ( wherever "there" might be). The poses teach us this. There is the ideal of the perfect form that we all can't help but keep in our thoughts. As we move our body into each pose, we approach that form in our own way. It is the moving into the pose that is as important (or even more so) than holding the pose itself. If you move into a pose to quickly, you may not set it up right, your energy may not move through the right parts of your body, your muscles and joints may not align in a beneficial way, your breathing my become irregular or forced. So, you must start slow, move deliberately, with mindfulness and attention. You never reach a place where there is nothing left to do - that is why it is called a "practice" and not a "performance." You are always reaching a little more (or less), trying to balance, trying to level your hips or shoulders, trying to expand or contract something else. If I could strike every pose perfectly every time with no preparation or work, then what would be the point? The End isn't the point at all... it is the journey toward it where I grow, evolve, and learn. That is what practice is about.

So - how does this relate to life? If I view my life as a journey (which I do) - then that might seem to imply that there is some destination (perfection) and that my journey is a means to that end (that perfect destination). The lessons of yoga remind me again and again that the journey itself is the destination... that each moment is its own perfection without being an end and that the journey doesn't stop there - it just keeps going. So - maybe I should view life as "a practice" - just as I see yoga that way.

Now - if I could just view traffic that way. :)