Ned Kelly, Michael Moore, and James Connolly

Wow - 8 days since I last blogged. Attend one of the most intense graduate programs I could find AND buy my first house, What Was I Thinking!!!!! I felt more than caught up with courses last week - one weekend of moving and now I feel like I'm just treading water. Ok - I'll get back in front of the tide soon - probably by this weekend... In fact, I might have been there tonight if not for the by now notorious Ned Kelly assignment. More on that in a moment.

Funny - everyone is talking about Slackers today - amazing the influence that Michael Moore has on American (or the American media anyway). Gary assigns the Ned Kelly topic, then he posts the link to Michael Moore's slacker tour, later I hear a segment on All Things Considered regarding Michael Moore's tour. During that segment someone (a politician... not sure which one... should look that up) called Moore a "Socialist" and then "asked" why Moore doesn't just go live in France. What the F***???? Who ever said that only capitalists are welcome in this country? While we're at it, why is the misconception that Socialism and Democracy are on opposite ends of some political (ideological) spectrum still so prevalent. Did our leaders learn nothing in Social Studies class (or Economics for that matter) - do they know they are perpetuating a faulty comparison? My cynical opinion is that they do and they do it on purpose - shame on "us" for not recognizing it. Democracy and Socialism are not diametrically opposed, socialist democracies (and democratic socialism) are possible. I wonder why I reacted so strongly? Because I've been thinking about James Connolly all day? Which brings me almost full circle, back to Ned Kelly because for some reason when I initially discovered the Ned Kelly assignment my brain immediately thought of James Connolly. I'm still not sure why I made that seemingly unfounded connection - yeah, their both Irish (or of Irish descent) - but one was a revolutionary, a crusader for the "common man" (the proletariat), and eventually a martyr. The other - well he was a criminal whose legend benefited from the historical and social context. This brings up an interesting question - how much are our heroes and villains defined by the historical/social context and how much by their own personal qualities. Are the two always mutually dependent?

Then again - maybe I'm not so far a field w/ my connection between Ned and James. In the mid-late 1800's, the Anglo-Irish tension was certainly present in Australia. Ned felt his family were being persecuted (others felt that way, judging by legendary status his life and death now hold). They were Irish and they were persecuted by the English authorities... (or authorities that represented England). Perhaps he is a "hero" because of that. Perhaps he is a hero because when the final moment came, when he was critically wounded and had already watched Joe Byrne die, he chose not to run, he chose not to give up, he chose to go back for his brother and other gang member. To many, this courage might very well seem heroic. I know kids who view heroes as those who "have your back." Heroes are those who don't give up, no matter the odds, no matter the outcome - "...to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield." Was Ned a hero? Perhaps not by my standards, but maybe by another's. He is certainly a legend and that legend has certainly brought prosperity to many - maybe more prosperity than what he stole when he was a criminal. One final thing to remember, history is written by the victors. The authorities branded his whole family criminals (that is in fact why his father was sent to Australia in the first place) and, possibly in an effort to keep his family together, lived up to that brand.

Now - here is a very telling quote from a 1911 publication:
" Time may be when these names will be canonised in the heart of Australian boyhood. For the English people dearly love a bold and successful robber, have he anything of chivalry or courtesy about him. " Click Here for the full story.

I think there was more I intended to reflect on, but it is nearly 12:30 am and I'm tired tonight.

Behind the '9' ball.

It's late. I'm tired. I was up until 2am last night reading all the articles I'd neglected this past week in favor working on my musical masterpiece. Ok... Masterpiece is perhaps not the most appropriate description. This assignment was a blessing and a curse (as many of the best things are).

I found the software quite easy to learn (just keep clicking on things until you figure it out, when in doubt read the help file and if you don't find what you want there check the knowledge base and/or post a question to BB). The only real frustration for me was the fact that the free version is missing quite a bit of functionality included in the not-free version.

I loved the idea of composing a piece of music. In retrospect, I think that may have actually been a hindrance rather than an asset. I got a bit two carried away w/ the idea of what I wanted to do. I lost sight of my original plan to keep it simple (KISS). The assignment for me became about something far different from learning a new piece of software and using it to compose a few bars of music. Instead - the assignment became something of a journey into the past.

I haven't played any instrument other than Dumbek/Darabukka (drum) and Zagat (Zills) in several years now (occasionally picking a few chords out on the guitar so I can sing an old Dylan song doesn't really count). But - there was a time (when I was still basically a child)when I seriously thought I might become a professional musician (concert pianist or something like that). I began taking piano lessons when I was about 6 years old and continued to go once a week (and practice daily) until a few months before my High School graduation. I still remember my teacher's disappointment when I told her that I'd decided that I was done taking lessons. She said to me (I don't remember the exact words... but close) that I was making a mistake because I was "finally at the point where things would be come most interesting and rewarding." I remember thinking at the time that if it took 12 years to merely reach "interesting" then I had made the right decision. Funny - at the time I didn't think about it much beyond that - now I recognize it for a fundamental aspect of my personality and what I want (and don't want) out of life.

That was perhaps the first time in my life that I was presented w/ the opportunity to choose a path where I could (potentially) do one thing very well but would have to sacrifice many other interests and endeavors in favor of that one thing. Since then - I have been offered a similar choice a number of times (in various contexts) and each time I choose to pursue the broad rather than the narrow path. I don't know that it is good or bad... it just is who I am and the older I get the more I understand that about myself. I have so many different, varied, and eclectic interests and I don't want to sacrifice any of them in favor of others - I want all of them to be an integral part of my life and I want to have the freedom to continue to develop new ones. (Hmmmmm... wonder if that's why I've never been all that concerned w/ getting married... interesting...odd that I've never made that connection before... at least not consciously.)

Ok - I'm in danger of becoming lost in this digression and loosing sight of the original focus of this blog entry - the completion of my Finale NotePad music composition assignment. Because I have a history with both the piano and the guitar (studied classical guitar for a little while in college) - I figured that I could probably compose a simple piano and/or guitar melody/harmony fairly easily... but I also thought that would be a bit boring and I wanted a challenge. I've been cultivating a taste for Jazz for several years now (having a friend who works for the local Jazz radio station can have that effect). I really like syncopation - but I wasn't sure I was quite up to trying to compose for that. I also like compound meters (9/8 and 5/4 are among my favorites). I thought I might be able to handle composing a piece in a compound meter. I love "Take Five" which is in 5/4, so I thought I might start w/ that. I was disappointed to find that 5/4 was not among my available choices w/ the free version of the software but 9/8 was. So - I embarked on a journey to compose a piece in 9/8. I thought I knew what I was getting myself into. I had no idea.

I spent some time each day listening to music and then attempted to compose in 9/8. I didn't like anything that I came up with. I finally realized that part of my difficulty was that although I've listened to plenty of 9/8 music, I've never played any and so I have not yet internalized the rhythm. In addition to composing in 9/8, I also intended to compose a piece where the percussion was the focus - w/o a deep understanding of the rhythm, this was a problem. I was just about ready to give up on 9/8 when my AH HA moment arrived. I suddenly realized that there is one kind of 9/8 that I have internalized - the Turkish rhythm of Karsilama (I've danced to it and I've even played it on the drum... slowly). So - I decided to start there and then try to build something simple on that. I started in the same way I do when learning how to dance to a new rhythm, I began by clapping the rhythm and then figuring out which beats (within the 9) had the emphasis. In this case the emphasis is on 1, 5, and 789. The three is also emphasized to a lesser extent... so the rhythm becomes Doom = Tek = Doom = Tek-Tek-Tek (where the = signifies an unemphasized beat)... Once I figured this out - I was able to compose the core of my piece (the percussion and base line) and then add the accompanying instruments on top. It is far from a masterpiece but I did accomplish what I set out to do.

It is done - but posting it on my web page for the class will have to wait until tomorrow night (err.. tonight).. as it is already very late (or early) and I have to try to get a few hours of sleep.

And all the Jazz.

Sad that lyricist Fred Ebb died (Chicago, Cabaret, etc).

Driving in the car is such a great time to think! Ok - well - as long as you also pay attention to the moment and drive.

So - driving to work this morning I had the opportunity to listen to a an interview w/ Jazz musician (Sax) Benny Golson. He talked about writing music. How fortuitous. I love synchronicity and personal gestalt

He talked about how he wrote the song "Terminal 1" for the movie The Terminal. He said "usually the drums accompany the music, but I decided in this case to let the music accompany the drums." That statement really caught my attention - drums have been a HUGE part of my life for many years. As a belly dancer, I am always listening for the drum even if I don't always choose to acknowledge every single hit when I dance. The drum speaks to my gut and my soul. So now - I think I want to compose my piece for Gary's class around the drum or the percussion with a musical accompaniment (or at least approach it from that angle). This will be quite a challenge because I've never done anything like this before (I've never really intentionally composed much more than a melody in fact).

Benny also shared a quote from Dizzy Gillespie that I just loved!

In answer to "how can a musician prove his mettle, by how fast he plays?" Benny answered, "No, by how slow he plays." He then shared the Dizzy Gillespie quote, "Slow it down. Slow it down enough to eat a sandwich between each beat and you'll find out where everybody is. There is no room to hide on a balad" How fantastic is that?

As I listened to the interview and the music, I realized that I was listening differently. I was listening like someone who creates music (or attempts to) rather than someone how only listens to it.

That begs the question, how does our own personal context inform each thing we do?

When I think of myself as a writer do I read differently then when I only think of myself as a reader? What about when I think of myself as an author (which may be different from a writer)? When I am the dancer, do I listen to the music differently than when I am the composer? How about when I am the musician but not the dancer or composer?. What about watching film - I've been an actor, director, techie, editor, producer, etc... does each of those unique aspects watch the film differently? How do I integrate them all? I must do it - and I think it must be sub-conscious in nature... but today in the car, for just a moment, I was able to step outside of myself and be aware of how I was listening differently.

It occurs to me that these questions might be pertinent to our upcoming discussions and meditations on what it means to be an expert. I'll have to watch for that! Ok... enough blogging... time to dance and then eat... no more sitting tonight.

Music composition and Finale Notepad

I was going to blog about learning theories and what I know about learning - I may still do that later today - but I find myself quite excited about the latest assignment for Gary's class. Compose a piece of music - how excellent!

Use Notepad Finale to do it - how interesting and new (for me).

I could spend hours w/ this tool. I love being able to hear the music as soon as I write it. I remember trying to write music w/ only a piano to work with- in some ways, this is so much nicer (I only wish the orchestra instruments actually sounded more like real ones.… The piano sounds good though).

I have to be careful though, –already I wrote something that starts out sounding kind of Jazzy and then suddenly jumps to a fancy sounding Baroque piece - I like each individual phrase, but they don't go together at all! I really need to figure out how to copy/paste, so that when I do that I can create a new file for the incongruous part.

The other interesting thing is that I find myself getting caught up in the visual aesthetics of the piece before I even listen to it to see if it sounds the way I want it too. I find myself placing notes on the score just because I like how they look – not because I think they will sound pleasing (to my ear). Very, very interesting… when I have composed before, I’ve done it by playing the instrument first and then writing down what I played, this software allows and extremely different approach for me. How fascinating and fun

“We are the universe made manifest trying to figure itself out.” - JMS

Wow – I haven’t posted anything to my general blog in over a week. I think I may be suffering from withdrawal. It has been one crazy busy week+. I knew owning my own home would be time consuming, but who knew that the processes of purchasing the home would be so complex? Well, ok, to be honest I suspected it would be, but there is a difference between “knowing what to expect” and actually experiencing it. I am (and must remember to continue to be) eternally grateful for the support which I am surrounded by.

Although I haven’t blogged, that doesn’t mean I haven’t been writing. It seems I am always writing these days – even when I don’t put it anywhere consistent. Scraps of paper, old business cards, old and obsolete things I’ve printed from the internet, the margins of magazine articles and books, the back of receipts in the car, takeout menus, whatever is available when I have a thought that I want to get out of my head and make more tangible. Years from now, when someone else is reclaiming the artifacts of my life (hopefully many decades from now), I wonder what they will think of all these random thoughts in pencil, pen, marker, and whatever else is at hand. I especially wonder about how they might try to associate what I have written w/ what it is written on – will this person see a connection between the article and my notes in the margin, will they construct a meaning that I didn’t intend. Sometimes I write notes down that have no obvious association w/ the surface they are written on except that it was available when I needed it. Will some future person find some context that I didn’t create or that I am not consciously aware of? Is that what we do each time we analyze human artifacts from the past?

The discussion about Wolfram (for Gary’s class) and the article “It’s Good to be King” have really touched a chord with me – actually all three discussion strings have. I am rather bemused that so many of my classmates find the young men in “It’s Good to be King” so odd. It makes me wonder if I am that much different from the rest because I don’t find it at all odd. In fact, I was alternately amused and truly moved by the story of Talossa. How wonderful to construct your own environment and then make it a home for others as well. How fantastic to find that sense of belonging and community and to create it on your own terms but then allow it to evolve and grow as others become part of your construct. I don’t think any of the citizens of Talossa are worse off for their citizenship and I don’t think (based on the article only) that they have retreated from the “real” (physical) world. Talossa has simply added a new dimension to their world, it has allowed them to become the people they want to be and to explore other options. As for Wolfram – I wonder about him and I wonder why I feel an affinity for him. I especially wonder about some of the comments in our discussion regarding how he learns (and thinks?) differently. I think it is because I’ve often felt like my brain works differently than those around me – I know that my [metaphorical] heart does. I make connections where others don’t – but then I sometimes miss the things that are obvious to everyone else. I think what I see most in Wolfram is a kindred spirit. No – I’m not some phenomenal scientific/mathematical/computer genius (far from it) – but I LOVE knowing things. I love the adventure and challenge involved in finding things out. And – it is the act, the adventure, the journey that I enjoy most. Once I’ve found something out, it doesn’t stop there.. it only illuminates something else that I don’t yet know and want to find out. I suspect that Wolfram is like that – he wants to know for the simple sake of knowing. He also wants everyone around him to know that he knows. I understand that too. I like it when people recognize that I know things. Is that vanity? Is it attachment? Yes. Should I work on that aspect of my personality? Probably. I do try – but each time I find something new (to me) out – I just want to share it. I don’t want to take credit for it (afterall, I didn’t invent it, I just learned it or found it) – but I do want everyone else to know about it. I think I get to enthusiastic about sharing things and I forget that others may very well not be interested and may even find my “sharing” an intrusion or akin to “showing off.” I need to work on that as well… part of the same thing I think.

Sort of related to this train of thought… and rather funny in a weird synchronistic sort of way… Last weekend I did two shows (for a very nice, supportive, and enthusiastic crowd) at the restaurant (so glad business is picking up again). After the last set, I went out (as I always do) to visit w/ the patrons, make sure they were having a nice dinner, and generally socialize (and maybe pick up some business or additional tips… of course). The woman whose birthday shin-dig I danced for over two years ago (my very first gig at that restaurant) was there with her husband and some friends. It was wonderful to see them again (they’ve been traveling). They were happy to see me as well – seems they were hoping I was still around and still performing as they will be hosting a big NYE event (Arabian Nights Masquarade Ball) and they don’t feel it would be complete w/o the dancers. So, while becoming reaquianted and assuring them that I would hold NYE special for them (it is certainly nice to be booked so far in advance) – I met their friend – a “world renowned” numerologist from India. Sweet man – he insisted on asking several questions so that he could perform his numerology magic for me. So – what the heck – I enjoy such things and I had the time (no more shows that night). Among other things, he said that I am highly intelligent but that those around me don’t always recognize just how intelligent I am. Hmmmm… that could certainly make the ego swell (who knows why he phrased it that way though). He said several other very complementary things too – and none of them were traditionally the kind of things male audience members say when completmenting the “belly dancer” in a Mid-Eastern restaurant. The really funny thing was that when I got home that night, I read the article about Wolfram for the first time. Maybe the only connection is that Wolfram and I have similar numerology charts! I just can’t help making connections between everything. Heh.

Ok – this is getting long (as usual). I still need to blog a bit about what I think learning is and what I know of learning theories… but I believe I’ll save that for tomorrow’s blog (got to get back to blogging several times a week… it is so much better that way).

I watched the Apprentice tonight (also for Gary’s class). I made a concerted effort to just watch the show and not do anything else… that was amazingling difficult for me… I’m so used to doing something else when I watch tv (but not when I watch movies... I wonder what the difference is). Watching this show for the whole season is going to be quite a challenge for me. I found most of the ‘contestants’ (yes… that is what they are… let’s be honest) to be rather shallow and uninteresting. I would have liked to have seen more of how the toys were designed, more of the focus groups w/ the kids, and less of the cut-aways were each contestant talked about the other contestants. I didn’t like the way these men and women are working together “on a team” but are actually competing with each other and are already sizing each other up and trying to find and exploit each other’s weaknesses.

What I did find very interesting though, were the boardroom scenes. I very much like the way DT made the contestants think about their conduct, their decisions, “the process,” and then articulate what they were thinking. What I found somewhat disheartening was how little real reflection they engaged in. I had the distinct impression that they were saying not what they truly thought/felt but, rather, what they thought would put them in the best postion (so as not to be fired by DT). What I was pleasantly surprised by was that I actually like DT and his assistants. I found myself feeling a sense of respect for each of them as they talked to the contestants and as they discussed the situation with each other. It’ll be interesting to see how the show progresses. One thing is for sure – I will HAVE to start recording it as the commercials make it intensly difficult for me to maintain anyting that even resembles focus.

Wow… I just realized that I’ve written an entire blog entry and not once mentioned that this is “September 11.” It’s been all over the news (even NPR did a special morning edition today) and it is the first thing I see every time I log onto the Net (I should really change my homepage to something other than CNN). I think this is an example of what I mean by not making the same connections that others do. Actually – I’ve probably thought about Ivan (the hurricane) far more today than I’ve thought about the significance of the date. Maybe it’s just because I know people in Florida (including some cadremates) and have a fellow cadre 7 member in Jamaica as well… maybe it is something else entirely.

Finally – w/ all the talk of B5 (referred to in the It’s Good to be King article)… I ‘ve been thinking about G’Kar’s personal journey and his evolution from warrior to profit. So – I’ll end tonight’s blog w/ one of my favorite quotes from G’Kar:

“If I take a lamp and shine it toward the wall, a bright spot will appear on the wall. The lamp is our search for truth... for understanding. Too often, we assume that the light on the wall is God, but the light is not the goal of the search, it is the result of the search. The more intense the search, the brighter the light on the wall. The brighter the light on the wall, the greater the sense of revelation upon seeing it. Similarly, someone who does not search - who does not bring a lantern - sees nothing. What we perceive as God is the by-product of our search for God. It may simply be an appreciation of the light... pure and unblemished... not understanding that it comes from us. Sometimes we stand in front of the light and assume that we are the center of the universe - God looks astonishingly like we do - or we turn to look at our shadow and assume that all is darkness. If we allow ourselves to get in the way, we defeat the purpose, which is to use the light of our search to illuminate the wall in all its beauty and in all its flaws; and in so doing, better understand the world around us.”

Today, Life is Good!

"Remember today, little brother. Today, life is good."
Boromir - Lord of the Rings (movie) Two Towers, extended edition.

Yeah... Watching them again (don't ask how many this makes... Won't have time to read the books again until after Grad School is complete... So will make due w/ endless visits w/ my DVDs).

Life IS Good! This is a Good week... ok... this is a GREAT week.

I have signed the papers on my dream house. Things do work out if you just remember to breathe and wait for it. (Stop saying "I told you so, dad!"). ;)

It is such a beautiful house. 1950, red brick construction. 3 beds, 1 3/4 bath (the 3/4 bath is a Jack'n'Jill style and so is accessible from two different bedrooms), HUGE beautiful back yard w/ full block wall (very dog proof), lovely bright and large kitchen, polished concrete floors (one of my favorite kinds of floors), large living room/dining room and then an extra family room to boot (w/ a fireplace). The inside walls are painted a variety of rich primary colors (exactly what I would have done... so now I don't have to do it). The owners offered to re-paint but I told them I wouldn't have it any other way. They're even leaving the leftover paint cans w/ the color mixes - so if I need to touch anything up it won't be a problem. I'm so happy that I'm downright giddy. I had to warn my co-workers that I would probably be more hyper than usual (if that's possible) for the next several days... it's probably a very good thing that Monday is a holiday. I'll have to post a few pictures on my website at some point... probably make a special "Sukay's New House" page.

Other good things happened this week too. As of today we finally know what the new "Big Ed" structure is - our multiple small education departments are now finally on the road to becoming one... They split up some of the management responsibilities and I was a bit concerned (as were other members of our team) that we would all be split up in an un-desirable way. Well - it didn't happen... the majority of us all have the same manager as before (yipee!) and, for the few that will be reporting to someone new, the move makes sense (although it make take a couple some time to see that). I have renewed faith now that things really will be not just OK but possibly even better than before (once we get past the awkward growth stage). I talked briefly to our department head about my rough ideas for my ARP - it looks like she will be very supportive. I'm learning more and more Flash (MX) skills each day (L is becoming quite a good teacher... so proud of him) and I continue to endeavor to expand my involvement in other projects. All in all - perusing this graduate program has added new joy to my own attitude at work - what an excellent side effect.

Finally - (for now... cuz I'm getting hungry) - I had a break through in yoga (started on Friday and continued tonight)! It has been a while since I've had a real "Ah Ha" moment in yoga. Since returning after the shoulder surgery I felt like all I was doing was trying (w/o only limited success) to get back all that I perceived I had lost. I was prepared for my shoulder to be weak and still sore... but I wasn't so prepared for how much tone (and balance) I lost during the recuperation time away from regular practice. Last week (after recovering from the horrible cold) I finally began to feel like I had my old body back... my shoulder is still a bit cranky at times and not as strong... but the rest of my body is back to where it was. I've been trying to concentrate on strength over flexibility (since hyper-flexibility is what may have helped injure me in the first place). In so doing - I've also begun paying more focused attention to my lower body... well Friday I experienced a huge Ah Ha moment during Triangle pose (the Bikram triangle is kind of like a Right Triangle - where one leg is bent at the knee to form a right angle w/ the floor). I realized that I was not engaging the inner thigh muscles and that was seriously limiting my ability to keep my hips straight, especially when I add the upper body tilt and twist. It took me a while to figure out how to remedy it... but I finally visualized attempting an outward rotation of both my thigh bones... it worked.. the inner thigh muscles engaged, my hips straightened out and my triangle pose not only has better form but is much easier to enter and hold! Then, I discovered that the same slight outward rotation helps in both Standing Bow pose and Tree. Very nice. Yoga is so amazing because it continuously reminds me how connected everything is. One little thing in one part of your body can change everything - life is like that too. Yoga helps remind me of that.