Meandering thoughts about this weekend.

Well - this weekend turned out to be rather productive in general if not w/ specifics. I decided to take a couple of days off from studies - or more specifically from working at the computer. Friday night I spent two hours working w/ Jillina's Egyptian Pop Choreography because I've begun to feel a bit stuck in my own dance style and needed to remind myself of other ways to move (that's what I get for deciding to drop dance classes while I attend graduate school). I worked on it until I could barely stand up - I'd almost forgotten how good it feels to be completely exhausted form hard physical work. I went to Mary's Turbo-Step on Saturday morning even though I knew I'd be dancing that night at the Aladdin. It was worth it - another excellent physical workout. I'm glad I'm finally an accomplished enough stepper (and back in good enough shape) to take Mary's class - she is amazing.

Initially, I'd planned to finish my initial draft work on my ARP Research Plan on Saturday afternoon - but I decided to take one more day off from studies that involved working at the computer. My right arm and elbow have been bothering me quite a bit lately and I suspect that working on a keyboard and w/ a mouse (trackball, etc) for 8 hrs a day at work, another couple of hours most nights, and several hours on Sat. and Sun is taking it's toll. Initially, the pain was in my right forearm (I think I may have hurt that muscle carrying something when I moved to my new house)- lately (since wearing the elbow/forearm brace at work and when online at home) the pain has localized more in the elbow joint itself - or where the tendon connects to the elbow. The pain feels suspiciously like what my left shoulder felt like w/ the calcific tendonitis... so I need to try to give the arm a rest when I can (I don't want to face another surgery). In wonder if some people are more prone to developing calcium deposits on their tendons than others? I wonder if perhaps I should cut down my calcium intake (I stopped taking supplements when I developed the deposits in my shoulder... so to cut it down more I'd have to stop eating cheese and having milk in my coffee/cereal/etc... don't know if I could do that). Ah well - such is life.

So - I took it easy yesterday, did a bit of reading, watched some t.v., did my nails w/ jewels and everything, took my time getting all sparkly and ready to dance, even wore my Orange/Purple costume w/ a black skirt and vest (in honor of Halloween), and still ended up doing only one show. The restaurant was crowded when I got there (nearly full) and everyone stayed for the first show, then cleared out. Not enough new tables showed up after that, so no second show. I do hope business picks up soon. It is such a good restaurant, and the owner, kitchen staff, and waitestaff are all such nice people - I'd hate to see the business close. I hung out for a while, just talking w/ the staff and a few favorite customers. I love being there as much for that as for the performance - it keeps me sane and grounded to know and spend time with diverse groups of people. I remember what it was like to work in the "service" industry (and in retail for that matter) - I don't ever want to forget it either. Gave one of the gals a ride home and we talked about the fact that people who work (or have worked) for tips (waitestaff, bartenders, etc) seem to consistently tip the best. Sad but true, those who can least afford it are those who most understand the significance. I know the information is out there about fact that waitestaff only make $2 or $3 an hour and truly depend on their tips the way some of us depend on our salaries, but maybe it takes working for tips to really understand the implication. Or - maybe it is just the people that come to the places where I've worked or where I know people who work.

Taking Friday and Saturday off meant that I had to finish up my draft for my research plan today. Did that, finished it before the first little goblin (or ... actually Harry Potter) arrived at my door. (blogged about that in my ARP blog... so don't need to repeat that here). Managed to do the domestic stuff too (house cleaning, laundry, etc) and make an appearance at my neighbor's Halloween BBQ. Then, while hanging out by the door awaiting all those sweet little children asking for candy, I hung my Flam Chen photos on the West Dining room wall. Yeah - ok... probably drilling a dozen holes in the wall was not the best thing I could do for my elbow... but I've grown so tired of looking a stacks of nicely framed photos on the table. It was time to display them in a more appropriate manner.

Of course - throughout the entire weekend, I've been thinking (sometimes on the verge of subconsciously) about the latest reading for Gary's class - "Epistemological Pluralism and the Revaluation of the Concrete" - no that is a mouthful. I need/should blog about it before I post in Bb. I keep waiting for someone else to post first - thinking that I need to give my cadre-mates a chance rather than always jumping in to state my opinion/observations/etc first. But - I find myself champions at the proverbial bit on this one... working on the MicroWorlds patches and quilts has provided me w/ a tangible/concrete way to evaluate some of the theory expressed in the article and I want to discuss it with others, find out if they have similar (or different) interpretations.

Ok... enough typing. Time for some heat, some ibuprofen, maybe some tea.... wonder if there is any chocolate left?

Reflection or Refraction

It is extremely difficult to read (or write) much of anything on the computer when wearing glittery false eyelashes. That's all I have to say for now.

ZPD animation - complete ...woo woo

This is more of an announcement than a blog entry. For those who might read my blog but not other course resources, postings, etc (friends, family, whomever).

After many, many days of work, I have finished my very first interactive Flash animation. The was done to illustrate the idea of ZPD (Zone of Proximal Development) - which I have blogged about previously.

To view this animation, click here.

Connections

It is so funny (maybe not “funny – haha”) how two people can have two different experiences w/ school (well – with anything I guess). A colleague is also pursuing an advanced degree through an online program (but with a different institution). She is only taking one class per term and often proclaims that she doesn’t see how any of the theory she is learning will help her become a better instructional designer. She reads begrudgingly and when asked to participate in synchronous sessions, she chooses to write down questions that she already knows the answers to because, as she says, “the instructor won’t know the difference.” I’m curious about why there is such a difference in our experiences. Is it something unique to each of us? Do I enjoy the process of inquiry and learning more than she does or do I have an easier time seeing applications for most of what I learn and am exposed to? If so, why? She is a bright, creative, intelligent, professional educator. Or – is it the nature of the programs? Could the program she is attending not be presenting the material in a productive way? Or – is it that she is only taking one class at a time? I sometimes wonder if taking one class at a time makes it more difficult to see and internalize connections. I find that with every project I do for OMET, with every article or book I read, with every TI discussion/class meeting, I see connections to all the other courses, to the professional work I do every day, and to so many other future possibilities. There are, I believe, more connections than I am aware of. In fact, so far, I cannot say that I’ve once felt like saying “how does this apply to anything?” But – in general – that is how I am with most of my endeavors. I have found application or connection for almost everything I do, read, watch, listen to, etc. Sometimes I think one of my most prominent personality traits is to seek connections. Where does that come from? The artist? The actor/dancer/performer? The teacher? The student? The yogini? The wannabe scientist/mathematician? The wannabe philosopher? The conspiracy theorist? How are all these aspects of me related? How do they each lead to making connections between what I learn, hear, see, read, know, feel, etc and what still awaits my attention

ZPD, FLASH, here and now.

I want to blog. I want to eat. I want to sleep. I want to watch Mike Myers on In the Actor's Studio. What to do... what to do... what to do. Hunger will win out in a moment I think.... but if I step away from the computer at this moment, I doubt I'll sit back down (at this desk) tonight.

I need to reflect a bit on the ZPD project while I'm still thinking about it. I made a decision a couple of weeks ago to take the proverbial bull by the horns and work with Flash to make my ZPD illustration. I had originally wanted to do my timeline for last term in Flash, but my Flash knowledge/experience was so very limited that I didn't even have a clear idea of how to create an appropriate plan for the Flash file, couldn't even describe the logic of it because I didn't understand enough about what Flash can do... or... more accurately... what I can do with Flash. So - at that time - Flash was quite distant from even the very edge of my ZPD. I made my timeline in Dreamweaver (which was within my ZPD at the time... still is but at a different level now).

Now... just a few months later... Flash has begun to extend into my ZPD... or... my ZPD has begun to extend into Flash... or something like that. I know more about Flash, I've worked with it a tiny bit (for professional projects at work), I am more able to think about how to logically design something in Flash... I am beginning to understand the use/application of graphics, buttons, movie clips, and how to use the root timeline in conjunction with the individual timelines for these objects. Because I begin to understand this language/context, my more capable peer is able to help me learn to work in flash and learn to create what I envision. I'm still at the beginning... there are things I can envision that I'm not yet quite ready to create - at least not in the limited time I have for completing this (or any) project. But, I understand enough now to also understand what I don't know and sort of design around that.

For example, I originally thought of assigning an order to the pieces for my ZPD puzzle (illustration/animation)... so that the pieces had to be clicked in a certain order. As I learned what it would take to do that (the kind of action script that might be required), I realized that at this point in my Flash development, it would be better to let go of that and concentrate on some of the other more vital aspects of the animation. I wanted to be sure that my more capable peer (colleague) was helping me learn and not making it for me, so I had to be sure to keep the project within the parameters of what I can learn to do... yet also push myself enough so that I could really evolve my understanding and ability. This has been a wonderful project because in internalizing a basic understanding of ZPD, I have pushed into my own ZPD for Flash (and further with my Photoshop and Fireworks ZPD's as well).

One of the things I've noticed lately, with all the projects for all the courses, is that more and more I seem to take exactly as long as I have to accomplish each task. It isn't procrastination, I'm working on each project the whole time (and reading, researching, etc.)... it is more that if I have a given amount of time to do something, I want to use all that time to do as much as I can. I think this may come back to living in the moment. More and more, I try to be very present for each thing I'm working on, when I'm working on it - rather than thinking about all the other things I should be working on and then trying to finish quickly so I can work on the next thing. So far, this approach is keeping me sane... I think... others might disagree... perhaps I'm just more authentically insane. :)

Time for food, then sleep.

Working on Sunday, Riding a Bike, and ZPD

Today is ZPD day. That's right, an entire day (well, a significant portion of the day) devoted to contemplating and reflecting on The Zone of Proximal Development. I know what it is. Understanding it isn't the problem. I can think of example after concrete example from my own life experiences. For a while, I thought I must be missing something significant, a concept of such influence and importance can't possibly be this simple, right?

We are at point E developmentally (in our knowledge, in our physical skill, in our mental skill, in some combination). Everything from point A to point E is our level of independent performance (those things which are within our developmental level, those things which we can do w/o any direction or help from another, those things that we have truly internalized). With the help of a more capable peer, w/ the collaboration of a team, or with a combination of the two, we can reach well beyond point E – toward let's say point M. Everything between E and M is our ZPD. This is the area that is perhaps just on the edge or slightly beyond where we are developmentally – it is the emerging edge of our capability. We cannot reach into it on our own, but we can progress toward and through it with the help of a more capable peer (or a collaborative group that contains one or more "more capable" peers).

Beyond M is point Z. The zone from point M to point Z is one that we cannot yet progress through even w/ assistance. We are not yet developmentally ready to even approach it.

The very best, most beneficial and useful instruction (teaching, learning, experience) is that which pulls us into our ZPD and enables us to move what is known, what is internalized, into what was the ZPD. Thus, while we may be at point E today, tomorrow we will be at G or H, and soon after we will be at M. When that occurs, then points beyond M evolve from being beyond us even w/ assistance, to becoming part of our new, emerging ZPD.

So, why is it so terribly hard for me to come up w/ a simple visual image. Concentric circles come to mind, but they have been done (and done and done). I though of a kite (or maybe learning to fly a kite) or glider/paper airplane, but then I saw the hot air balloon example (A Vision of Vygotsky by Wink and Putney 2002, page 88). I thought of an escalator (moving stairway), but then saw the spiral staircase (Wink and Putney, page94). I thought of a boat, but I'm not sure I like that either, and being the desert rat that I am, I know very little of boats.

All these thoughts were running through my hyper brain when I awoke this morning. I decided to give school a break and go into work for a few hours. Working Sunday may seem like torture, but it is actually quite the opposite. The building is virtually empty (just me on the 4th floor, the lone security guard stationed at the entrance, and a few second and third shift support people in the basement). I can get work done in peace, think while I work, wear shorts and a t-shirt if I feel like it, turn up the radio, and get a head start on this week's 40hrs so that I can take off early later in the week.

Of course, a few hours turned into 5 hours. Currently, I'm working on a particularly frustrating project. I'm redoing someone else's work. In effect, the work I'm re-doing is the result of our team failing to help a former member progress through their own ZPD. I didn't see it this way until today, and perhaps the connection is only a result of my own current concentration on the idea of ZPD. Does that make the connection less valid? I don't think so.

So, what happened? Why did we fail to bring our colleague along with us? Frustrated as I currently am with having to fix someone else's less than satisfactory work, my first thought was that there was nothing we could have done differently. That the oneness was all on the individual, that the problem was that this colleague didn't want to grow, didn't want to improve their work. I spent five hours reworking these projects, bringing them up to (or close to) our standard, fuming the whole time. After 5 hours, only 2 of the 12 total simulations were fixed and half my Sunday was gone. Time to stop, so I decided to walk home the long way to get some exercise and perspective. As I walked home two things occurred to me in rapid succession.

1 - That the way I learned to ride a bicycle is a perfect representation of ZPD.

I must have only been 6 or 7 when I learned how to ride a two-wheeler. Prior to that I rode a tricycle on my own, but I had also learned to balance on a two wheeler by virtue of my father riding me to school on his bike. He would have me sit in front of him so that I could experience what it felt like to balance on a bike. I also got to ride on the back by balancing on the double basket (as opposed to a child seat, which were not widely used in the early 1970's). And then, one weekend, it was time for me to ride my own two wheeler, ALL BY MYSELF! I was completely certain that I was not ready. All my friends had two wheelers with training wheels. I was sure that I needed training wheels too. My father said, "no training wheels, you will learn without them." I must be honest, I did not believe him. He pulled out my shiny new bike, complete with the coveted banana seat, told me to get on it, and held on to the back of it and walked (then ran) along with me while I mastered the art of peddling and keeping it straight (I had learned something of steering while riding on the bike with him and learned how to pedal on my trusty old tricycle). I was having fun and feeling quite secure in the fact that I would not fall over because my Dad was holding on. He had assured me that he wouldn't let go "until I was ready." I don't know how long it took, I don't even recall if all this happened on the same day or over the course of several days. What I do remember though, viscerally, as if it happened yesterday, was the moment my dad took me into and through my bicycle riding ZPD. I was happily riding down the street in front of our house. I glanced back to say something to my dad and suddenly realized that he was no longer there, he was halfway down the block behind me and I was riding all by myself. I would love to say that I rode perfectly, confident in the fact that I could now ride a bike. I didn't. I realized that he wasn't there, realized that that meant there was no one holding one and making sure I didn't fall, hesitated for a moment, and promptly fell flat on my - well side I guess. One minute I was balancing all by myself, the next minute I was on the ground. I cried, I even felt a bit betrayed by my dad because even if he thought I was ready, I knew I wasn't and I had proved it by falling over. But he pointed out that before I fell, during that few moments when I didn't realize he was there and even for a minute after I realized it, I did balance all by myself. He got me back up on that bike and we did it again. I think it took many more tries before I was truly riding all by myself, but I'm quite sure my progress was faster because of that initial time and even perhaps because of the shock of the realization that it included.

My dad pulled me up through my own ZPD. The process had several stages, starting with when I rode on his bike with him, concluding with me riding my own first bike by myself (not that first moment of riding it, but all the weeks, months, and years of riding that followed). It is interesting to note that I rode a bike for years both for pleasure and as a primary means of transportation (as a student and later as a working adult). It is also interesting to note that I learned on my own how to ride a bike w/ toe clips and later the nuanced difference between riding a rode bike and riding a mountain bike. Maintaining and fixing a bike was part of my education too. At each stage I progressed slightly beyond my comfort zone, always w/ the help of someone else (even if it was strictly from observation of the other or from reading a manual). Like my skills and knowledge, the ZPD is dynamic, it keeps moving, keeps evolving, is always a part of my potential. I wonder if Zone of Potential Development is a better word. I wonder if Zone is the word for it at all. Maybe that is the train of thought I need to follow to come up with my own unique visual representation. Or - maybe I should just draw a cartoon, and allegory about learning to ride a bike.

So, that took longer to write than it did to think about. All of that occurred to me in the course of walking one block. The rest of the walk was spent contemplating the second thing that occurred to me.

2 - Perhaps the reason our colleague did not move through their personal ZPD was not because they were stubborn, cantankerous, angry, unwilling to try, etc. Or, to be honest, perhaps that was indeed part of it - but not all of it. Maybe we, as a team, did not work as facilitators to help pull our colleague through the ZPD. Instead, we told our colleague what was wrong, told this person how to fix it, made a set of rules and standards that did less to facilitate development than it did to facilitate stubbornness and (on some level) failure. Now, to be fair, we are working in an adult professional team environment in a corporate work-place. The focus of our team is to get the job done. We are all adults and perhaps we should each take responsibility for our own work and our own professional development. But, I still wonder if we could also do a better job of facilitating each other's learning. It seems to me that this observation and my further reflection on it could directly impact my approach to my PAR (ARP).

Well, as usual, this is a long blog and it has relevance for more than one course. I should probably cross post the last part in my ARP blog. I should also step away from the computer and find some food.

Oh... and just for the heck of it. Click here for a nice explanation of ZPD and Scaffolding.

Steal this blog

Thoughts on the Chicago 7 (8)... was about to post this on bb... then thought perhaps I'd post it here first and re-read it after yoga. I think it may be a bit too disjointed for a bb post... but I'm too emotionally attached to the whole discussion to make a proper judgment.

It amazes me that some don't know who the Chicago 7 (8) were. But - we only teach (and learn) selective history I guess. Why do I know about them? I think I knew before I watched Steal this Movie or read any of Abbie's books. But - I'm not sure when I first learned about them... not in school, that's for sure. I think I learned about them from fellow artists and actors. Ah... so subversive those artsy types are.

On second thought, I think I will post it. I wonder if someone will tell me to "go to France" because I'm "such a socialist"?

Want to know more?
Check THIS out.

Want to see something sad?
Check THIS out. Talk about co-opting.

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Here is something to think about:

When the people in power use that power to silence or curtail the voice of those who are not in power, what recourse to those not in power have? If those not in power have opinions that are different from your own, conduct their lives differently from yours, dress differently from you, have different priorities than you, worship at different altars than you, does that make it ok to suppress them? Are ideas different from our own such a threat that we have to silence them?

Do you judge how those not in power behave by the same standards that you judge those who are in power? If yes, is that fair? Those in power generally have many more choices that those who are not. If you talk and no one listens, is it then ok to scream? If your scream isn't heard, then what do you do?

Here is something else to think about:

What speaks louder, words or actions?

The protestors in Chicago, for the most part, made a lot of provocative statements meant to elicit a response (not necessarily a riot - but a response - they wanted to be heard, they wanted to be listened to, they wanted their message to get out). Remember what was happening at that time. The US government was sending draftees to die in Vietnam even though a growing number of citizens were against the war. The government was suppressing those who protested the war (sometimes violently). Bobby Kennedy had just been shot. Martin Luther King Jr. had just been shot. Those who questioned the government publicly were suppressed, investigated by the FBI, arrested, and often dealt with violently. All this in a country that is supposed to protect freedom above all else. The protestors in Chicago wanted the freedom (in this free country) to speak their mind in a public place and have their voice heard. They had no power. To be heard at all they had to create a scene that would catch the attention of the media and thus, perhaps, the rest of the country.

The authorities on the other hand, did have the power and they used that power to suppress or prevent the protestors from having a voice. When they couldn't discourage all of them from showing up, they chose to use violence to suppress them. Would you judge the protestors less harshly if they had laid down and taken the beating?

The protestors pulled down flags, let the air out of tires, yelled and said all sorts of inflammatory things, took drugs, dressed extravagantly, occasionally behaved like buffoons, and sometimes said some really stupid things (like "kill the cops"). But it was those in power (the police and the officials who supported them) who sprayed people with tear gas, beat them unconscious, arrested them, spied on their trial preparations (yes, the FBI bugged the offices of the defense and the Judge and prosecutors knew and supported it), suppressed evidence, etc. It was those in power who made laws specifically designed so that they could arrest those not in power and thus suppress their message. How would history have been different if the authorities in Chicago had simply allowed the voices of the protestors to be heard? Why was their message such a threat?

And - while we are at it, has anyone else considered the similarity between how the mayor of Chicago chose to prepare for that Democratic convention and the expected protests in 1968 and how the mayor of New York chose to prepare for this year's Republican convention (and it's expected protests)? Why was there so little media coverage of the protests in New York? Why didn't the media spend more time reporting how the authorities locked down a whole section of the city so that the delegates wouldn't have to be bothered by people who don't think the same way as they do? Where is the freedom in that? How many of you saw any real news coverage of the 500,000 people who marched in NYC on Sunday Aug. 29, 2004? The largest protest ever held at a political convention and it barely made the news.

Sorry - got a little off track there. But I can't help thinking of "bread and circuses".

If we define Martyr as someone who died for religious faith (typically by being tortured to death) than on the surface it would seem that the Chicago 8 were not martyrs. But - look a little deeper. Their faith was in this country and what it stands for (or is supposed to stand for). Their faith was in freedom and that faith was tortured to death by the behavior of the the police, Judge Hoffman, Mayor Daley, the FBI and others. Abbie Hoffman and the rest didn't do much of anything except show up, look weird, talk big, and reject authority. A real threat to democracy and our way of life, oh yeah. I think Norman Mailer got it right when he said that they "understood that you didn't have to attack the fortress anymore. All they had to do was surround it, make faces at the people inside, and let them have nervous breakdowns and destroy themselves." Ironic and sad that some of the same things are happening today. Where are those brave clowns who will surround the fortress now? They are out there, but you don't get to hear much about them. The machine that suppresses the message has gotten much better and much more savvy. As George Carlin said the other night on Real Time - we are not as free as we think. "Freedom isn't having both Coke and Pepsi in the same vending Machine." Remember, freedom is not about (or not only about) capitalist competition.